Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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