He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize