FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
