i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
