you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
