we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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