last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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