if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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