I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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