I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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