Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
