This is not my ceiling
I'm passing your future prison.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
