I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do herpes really smell.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
