I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
