Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
