They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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