its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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