Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
someone owes me an orgasm
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
