You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize