You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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