I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
