I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
