I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
