I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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