if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
