We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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