I CAN MOONWALK!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
