forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
