strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So vagazzling was a success
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize