I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
