i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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