and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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