remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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