i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
