Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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