I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
