Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There's always time for handjobs
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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