I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I want to fling myself into the sun
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
