Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
