so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
