Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
