is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
