We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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