Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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