Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
