i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
