Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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