Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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