What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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