I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
