so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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