Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
