Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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