I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
