I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
