So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
