I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
