I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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