My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
