My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
