it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You left your phone here
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