I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
