True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
