No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
