Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
